


The Star Trek Medical Drabbles Collection

by mandykaysfic



Series: Medical drabbles [2]
Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Drabble Collection, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-31
Updated: 2014-01-31
Packaged: 2018-01-10 16:47:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1162122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mandykaysfic/pseuds/mandykaysfic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The TNG collection of medical drabbles.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Star Trek Medical Drabbles Collection

_Deannatroius: A Gentle Aid to Emotional Stability_

 

Are your patients affected by the emotions of those around them? Do they project their own feelings onto others without being aware of it?

Deannatroius is the answer.

Based upon the original Terran remedies of Dr. Edward Bach, Deannatroius has now been formulated to suit most species.*

This pleasant tasting remedy protects the sufferer's aura from contamination by others, and comes in several varieties of chocolate flavored liquid, an inhalant with a chocolatey odor, and small chewable squares for easy portability.

Deannatroius – Another Petri-Dohlman product.

*Not effective on Ferengi.   
*Use with caution on Vulcans.  
*Half-doses recommended for Betazoids

 

END

 

_Bringloidisil: Eliminate Replicative Fading for Good_

 

Is your cloned population in danger of losing viability? Have you no access to suitable DNA via breeding stock? Eliminate the wait for the relocation of refugees and the need to resort to subterfuge to obtain the genetic material necessary eliminate the subtle errors that have developed in your genome. Be done with the need to suppress your sexual urges.

Mariposa and Ficus' latest breakthrough in reproductive pharmacology Bringloidisil.

Bringloidisil permanently eliminates replicative fading in all clones. Administered in four programmed doses prior to replication, Bringloidisil guarantees accurate replication every time. 

Enjoy life in every way you can with Bringloidisil.

 

END

 

_Pakled-it: The Universal Fixative Solution_  
(This one is an audio-visual ad)

Cue cute child, tear-filled eyes, holding a damaged toy. “It's broken.”  
Cue mechanic's shop, wrecked hover craft and teenager. “It's broken.”  
Cue several similar scenes.

Fanfare and fireworks!

Announcer: “Presenting Pakled-it!”

Never fear the words 'it's broken' again.

Cue older child, ball and broken vase. “It's broken.” Mother smiles and says, “Don't worry, we'll just Pakled-it!”  
Cue Andorian with broken antenna. “It's broken.” Reassuring doctor says, “It will be fine after we Pakled-it!”  
Cue mock Enterprise. New ensign reports, “Sir, the lateral sensor array, it's broken.” Visored chief engineer responds briskly, “Fetch me the Pakled-it!”

Pakled-it, universal fixative.

Fade-out with theme jingle.

 

END

 

_Ian-Odet: Nine Months is Too Long to be Pregnant_

 

Is nine months just too long for pregnancy? Would a gestation time of six months or three months suit you better? How many reasons can you think of for safely shortening your pregnancy?

Now you can take that holiday, work around your job or eliminate the chance of developing illnesses associated with pregnancy thanks to Ian-Odet.

After eight years of independent research into Ichner radiation, Phazer-Galaxo Universal is proud to announce the release of Ian-Odet.

Ian-Odet allows most human women to safely and painlessly speed up the maturation process of their fetus. 

Consult your reproductive specialist today for further details.

 

END

 

_Perfection: Eternal Youth Can Now Be Yours_

 

Are the rigors of age affecting your life? Do you suffer from arthritic joints? Poor memory? Organ failure?

Do grey hair and wrinkles make you depressed every time you look in the mirror?

The latest in age reversal treatments is in the final phase of its development and Lantree is looking for volunteers.

‘Perfection’ by Lantree works at the genetic level to alter DNA. After ‘Perfection’ is administered, the immune system is hypersensitized via matter transportation. All effects of aging are then dealt with by one’s own body.

Apply now to the Darwin Genetic Research Station to register your interest.

 

END


End file.
